Election 2012 Wrap Up

What an exciting night/day for America, huh!

USA! USA! USA!

Did you have fun? I had fun. I particularly had fun yelling fuck you at Mitt Romney with everyone at Nuts and Bolts during his concession speech. What an asshole, enjoy your trip back to Kolob.

It’s interesting to note that I was more excited about Romney losing than I was about Obama winning. Anyone else feel that way? I mean, minus the joy about four more years of my favorite ice cream loving, Amtrak riding-heartthrob Joe Biden, I’m very pleased in a not-having-much-to-do-with-Obama-kind-of-way about that news. Anyway, BOOOO bad guys, YAY kind of okay guys!

We’ve talked enough about Romney and Obama to last a lifetime, let’s talk about all those other hot races that the left fucking OWNED last night.

SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN!

You want to talk about bringing change to Washington? This woman is going to start clipping the deregulators wings like a turkey butcher.

SENATOR TAMMY BALDWIN!

Hey, there’s a lesbian in the Senate now! I’m sure there’s a ton of jokes I could make about it that but it turns out it’s 2012 and those jokes are all really old and tired!

CONGRESSPERSON TAMMY DUCKWORTH!

What do you get more pumped about, that Tammy Duckworth is the first disabled veteran to serve in the House or that she finally ousted Illinois Republican shitbag Joe Walsh? For those of you not in Illinois, the Republicans have been trying to crush Tammy Duckworth’s career for years now and it is beyond satisfying to see them fail.

SENATOR MAZIE HIRONO

Mazie Hirono is the first Asian American woman to serve as senator! I don’t know much else about her and that makes me feel like a real jerk but according to Wikipedia she seems like a real good person to have in the Senate!

LET THE HETERONOMATIVE ASSIMILATION ARGUMENTS COMMENCE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Queers all over Washington, Maine and Maryland got to wake up and be terrified about the drunken marriage proposals they made the night before, or you know, soberly a few years ago, to their partners as the voters in their states decided it was time to welcome homos into the wedding industrial complex! And Minnesota decided that while they might not want gay people getting gay married at the Mall of America just yet, they don’t want to say never because you know, they might change their mind once Aunt Betty dies.

PROPOSITION 420

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marijuana is totally legal in Colorado and Washington! Kind of ironic that the places that have some highest populations of white people with dreadlocks that seldom ever see jail time for possession legalized it first, but well, that’s just America for you I guess. I mean, YAY! Don’t get me wrong, I am all for marijuana being legal, (actually ALL the drugs should be legal, especially HUFFING) any measure to stop this racist drug war has my full support but, I mean, you know… It’s also like Maine making being quaint legal.

The 51st STATE!

Voters in Puerto Rico voted for statehood! I don’t know what the pros and cons of that are but if it means they get more representation in Washington, I am PRO. Also, I am curious to see how they’ll redesign the flag!

MAYOR TINY DANCER LOSES, WELL, NOTHING YET!

Chicago totally voted to have open elections for CPS, which is great because the education board has been appointed by the Mayor since sometime in the 90’s when Daley just kinda took it without anyone making any fuss, (man side note: do you know how frustrating it is hearing people that didn’t live through the Daley administration talk about how their vote doesn’t count? You people have NO idea what you are talking about even a little bit.) Anyway so the voters have spoken in a non-binding ballot measure and if you don’t think Toni Preckwinkle won’t light him up in the 2015 election if he dosen’t let the people decide for themselves, then… I won’t warn him because I want him to LOSE and go away forever!

AND THEN THERE ARE THE LOSERS…

ILLINOIS HATES LABOR

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In what was one of the most wordy ballot measures ever in the history all literature written post-Old Testament, the Land of Lincoln decided that Springfield would be MUCH better at holding up raises than management and essentially stabbed collective bargaining in the lung.

CALIFORNIA WILL KILL YOU

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Golden State! I don’t get you, you repeal the bullshit Three Strikes Law (YAY) but you still want to leave the doors of chance open to executing innocent people? Next thing you’re going to tell me you put Roseanne Barr on the bal… Oh… Well… Hm…

ALABAMA WANTS YOUR LAWS OFF THEIR BODY

Mandatory health care coverage rejection? Well, okay… if you insist on not having health insurance you pay for then.. I guess that means you want a public option then, yeah? No? Well.. then… you’re just being difficult aren’t you? FUCK YOU.

MICHELE BACHMANN STILL HAS A JOB

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why Minnesota? Why do you keep still employing this person? She is the fucking worst.

BONUS ROUND:

Watch Karl Rove have a fucking meltdown with math problems on FOX News last night. Holy shit!

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One comment on “Election 2012 Wrap Up
  1. Joe says:

    This was the best quick update on the info folks I know were looking for post-election! I’ve been able to share and read to several people this quick report and inform everyone on the haps! Thanks for making this!! :o)

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